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Rex Huppke
Rex Huppke

Trump talking about Jon Husted's butt made me forget about grocery prices

Trump talking about Jon Husted's butt made me forget about grocery prices

Turns out $5 gas is easy to ignore when the president is reviewing a senator's glutes.

Oct 23, 2026

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1 min read

How to get everyone to shut up for one dang minute

How to get everyone to shut up for one dang minute

A helpful message you can cut-and-paste

Oct 21, 2026

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1 min read

I bought a rock to rub on my face

I bought a rock to rub on my face

All signs of aging must stop

Oct 20, 2026

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2 min read

America, the bucket-ful, God shed His eats on thee

America, the bucket-ful, God shed His eats on thee

Why KFC's tiny Go Buckets are the most American headline of the year.

Oct 14, 2026

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1 min read

How about not doing that?

How about not doing that?

A Fully Distracted exclusive that will solve all our problems

Oct 13, 2026

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2 min read

A Deservedly Brief History of Humanity

A Deservedly Brief History of Humanity

From exciting beginning to hilarious end

Oct 9, 2026

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4 min read

America has an addiction to giant Halloween skeletons

America has an addiction to giant Halloween skeletons

Nobody likes unrealistic decor

Oct 6, 2026

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2 min read

Squirrel season and my dog’s unquenchable thirst for revenge

Squirrel season and my dog’s unquenchable thirst for revenge

Somehow, somewhere, a squirrel must have wronged my dog

Oct 5, 2026

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2 min read

How about AI gets the planet and we get all the doughnuts?

How about AI gets the planet and we get all the doughnuts?

A reasonable suggestion for the end of humanity

Oct 1, 2026

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2 min read

Welcome to Quick Distractions!

Welcome to Quick Distractions!

The only good thing on the internet.

Sep 29, 2026

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1 min read

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Things to think about when you're not thinking.

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