In the latest sign that I’m not fixin’ to age gracefully, I bought a rock to rub on my face.

You read that correctly. I, Rex Huppke, being of reasonably sound mind and middle-of-the-road body, doled out hard-earned U.S. currency in exchange for a rock. That I will rub on my face. In an attempt to look younger.

The rock in question is a tool used in the practice of “gua sha,” a traditional Chinese medicine technique in which an insecure man in his mid-50s pays $40 for a smooth rock, then rubs that rock on his face because someone on the internet told him to.